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3 Ways to Resolve Conflict

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Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:18 (NKJV)

According to Scripture, Christians are called to a higher standard when it comes resolving conflict. Because we are reconciled to God through Christ, God requires every Christian to serve in the ministry of reconciliation. It is not optional and it is not up for discussion.

In my role I often talk to pastors and churches who are experiencing varying levels of conflict. The key to resolving conflict is to catch it early, in its infancy. A camp fire is much easier to extinguish than an inferno. This is especially true when it comes to conflict.

A camp fire is much easier to extinguish than an inferno!

Peacemaker Ministries has produced a number of good resources in this area. In their pamphlet Peacemaking Principles, they offer the following three biblical ways to resolve conflict early when it is still personal and private:

3 Way to Resolve Conflict

1.  Overlook an offense. Many disputes are so insignificant that they should be resolved by quietly overlooking an offense. “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11). Overlooking an offense is a form of forgiveness, and involves a deliberate decision not to talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger.

2.  Reconciliation. If an offense is too serious to overlook or has damaged our relationship, we need to resolve personal or relational issues through confession, loving correction, and forgiveness. “If your brother has something against you…go and be reconciled” (Matthew 5:23-24). “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently” (Galatians 6:1). “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

3.  Negotiation. Even if we successfully resolve relational issues, we may still need to work through material issues related to money, property, or other rights. This should be done through a cooperative bargaining process in which you and the other person seek to reach a settlement that satisfies the legitimate needs of each side. “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4).

I have not always known or practiced these principles in my personal life or in my ministry, but I am now committed to do so. May we all seek to live by the Apostle Paul’s charge to the Christians in the church at Rome.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18

5 Things I Hated Doing as a Pastor

Posted in Church Chat, Church Consulting, Church Revitalization, Discipleship, Funny, Life Happens, Ministry, Preaching, UncategorizedLeave a comment

In similar posts I wrote about 6 Things I Hated Hearing as a Pastor followed by 7 Things I Loved Hearing as a Pastor. In today’s post I want to explore 5 Things I Hated DOING as a Pastor. Keep in mind that I loved being a pastor and I loved most the tasks that came along with the position, but I didn’t love everything.

5 Things I Hated Doing as a Pastor

1. Preaching on difficult topics. I preached on marriage, divorce, homosexuality, fornication, adultery, abortion, tithing, racism, prejudice, laziness, gossip, and numerous other difficult subjects, but I didn’t love doing it. As a pastor, I preferred to preach about Jesus and the encouraging passages that abound, but I knew that I was accountable to God to preach the whole Bible even when the topics were not popular or culturally acceptable.

…even when the topics were not popular or culturally acceptable.”

2. Visiting new parents in the hospital. I didn’t really hate visiting new parents, but it always felt a little awkward. I felt better visiting when the mother and the father were both present or when my wife could join me. As their pastor, I wanted to let them know that we celebrated with them on the birth of their child, but at the same time, I wanted to respect their need for privacy. As a man, I was certain that I didn’t understand everything that the new mother was going through physically and emotionally, so I wanted to give her space for rest and healing.

3. Addressing church conflict. When I faced conflict during my early years of ministry I simply prayed and hoped that it would go away. As the pastor, I began to realize that I had to lean into conflict and work towards reconciliation, but it was something that I always dreaded.

…I began to realize that I had to lean into conflict…”

4. Asking for help. In the perfect church world, all the church members would jump in and volunteer when needed. Since that rarely happened, I often had to personally ask people for help.

5. Administering church discipline. The Bible clearly teaches that there are times when church discipline is required. The purpose of discipline is to help the offender discover his sin and his need for repentance. Even when church discipline was appropriate and best, it was always very difficult.

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Baby Steps (Revitalization Series)

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When do you prepare your home nursery? Before the baby comes or after the baby comes? Practically everyone prepares the nursery BEFORE the baby comes. Many struggling churches have no young parents attending, so the nursery sits unused. That is actually the perfect time to update the nursery facilities. If you wait until a young family visits, then it’s too late! Their baby arrives and you’re not ready!

Ingredients of a Great Church Nursery

  1. Clean. The nursery MUST be clean. Parents are already reluctant to leave their precious child behind while they attend worship–they certainly will not do so if the nursery is not clean. That means the nursery must not only look clean, it must smell clean. Many churches need to pull up old carpet and replace it with a surface that is easy to keep clean.
  2. Safe. The nursery MUST be safe. Churches should have a secure check-in system for every child even if there are only 1 or 2 attending. Parents will spread the word to others that the church gives priority to safety and security. Workers should be carefully vetted with background checks and other safety measures. There should always be at least two workers in the nursery at all times.
  3. Proximity. If possible, the nursery should be close to the place where the parents attend worship. Parents will feel more comfortable leaving their baby in the nursery if the sanctuary is nearby. Many churches use a texting app to communicate with parents if they need to be reached during the worship service.
  4. Modern. Modern does not have to be expensive; it simply has to be up-to-date. Modernizing the nursery can often be accomplished with flooring, furnishings, paint, and lighting. The space should be bright and cozy. When thinking about the décor, parents want it to feel like their nursery at home.
  5. Supplied. The nursery should be well-supplied with safe furniture, a diaper-changing station, handwashing supplies, age-appropriate toys, and parent-approved snacks.
  6. Staff. Put your BEST people in the nursery. Recruit people who love children and love Jesus. Provide training so they are able to serve with excellence. The Kentucky Baptist Convention can provide training.

For more information about church revitalization, the KBC has written Lead to Revitalize: 15 Practices of a Revitalization Leader. Feel free to contact me directly at steve.rice@kybaptist.org if you have questions or need assistance.

Be Prepared

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We are taking the lead at the Kentucky Baptist Convention in addressing the issue of church sexual abuse. The KBC has partnered with an organization called MinistrySafe to provide training sessions we are calling “Church Prepared: Sexual Abuse Prevention, Response, and Care.”

I encourage every pastor and church to be involved. The training will especially benefit the following:

  • Pastors
  • Other Church staff
  • Security Team members
  • Deacons
  • Elders
  • Children’s Workers
  • Student Workers
  • Sunday School Workers
  • Women’s Ministry
  • Men’s Ministry

The training sessions will be held at four locations across the state October 3-6, 2022. The schedule is as follows:

October 3 – Lone Oak First Baptist Church, Paducah

October 4 – Living Hope BC, Bowling Green

October 5 – Buck Run BC, Frankfort

October 6 – Fairview BC, Ashland

Registration
Here is the link to the registration page: https://www.kybaptist.org/churchprepared/. Please let me know if you have any questions or need more information.

4 Life Lessons from Hiking

Posted in Church Chat, Discipleship, Funny, Hiking, Life Happens, Ministry, Uncategorized3 Comments

The last few years, Laura and I have become interested in hiking. We don’t plan to thru-hike the Appalachian or the Pacific Crest trail anytime soon–we mainly focus on day hiking. As a result, we enjoy the trail with very little planning and minimal cost. I’ve noticed that there are a lot of similarities between hiking and everyday life.

4 Hiking Lessons

1. Good equipment helps. Good hiking shoes, trekking poles, and backpacks make hiking more enjoyable and hikers more proficient. Likewise equipping ourselves as pastors, disciples, church members, and/or parents makes all the difference. We don’t know what we don’t know, so it helps to be equipped with new knowledge and abilities.

“We don’t know what we don’t know…”

2. Sometimes you hike uphill. We love trails that have lots of climbing. We seek them out when we plan. It’s great exercise to make your way up a long, challenging climb. It’s so rewarding when you reach the top. Life often seems like a long, challenging climb. Christians are not exempt from difficulty. Those difficult life moments often shape us into better people and mold us into more dedicated Christians.

3. Sometimes you hike downhill. Trails that go up eventually come down. Going downhill is easier, but not without challenge. You can easily lose your footing because you are moving faster and with little resistance. Going downhill can lead to a lack of concentration and focus which usually ends poorly. Life is a lot like going downhill. When things are going well and success seems easy we often make quick and uninformed decisions that cause us to fall. “Downhill” makes us feel invincible which leads to decisions laced with arrogance. Solomon warned us that “Pride comes before destruction and an arrogant spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18, HCSB).

“Downhill makes us feel invincible which leads to decisions laced with arrogance.”

4. You can do more than you think. Now that we are hikers, we’ve climbed hills we never imagined that we could. Slowly, steadily, step after step–eventually we reach the top! I’ve watched several YouTube channels of men and women who thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail. When they finished the 2,181-mile trek, they were amazed they covered the entire distance on foot. One guy said, “It blows my mind to think that I just walked from Georgia to Maine!” We should dream big and shoot high in life and in Christ! Through Him and over time we can do more than we could ever imagine (Phil 4:13).