Tag: Conflict

5 Reasons to Seek Help with Conflict

Posted in Church Chat, Church Consulting, Conflict, Deacon, Leadership, Life Happens, MinistryLeave a comment

In their helpful book Redeeming Church Conflicts: Turning Crisis into Compassion and Care, Tara Klena Barthel and David V. Edling remind us that there are times when it is wise to involve others in the midst of church conflict. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it is an act of humility and wisdom. Proverbs 11:14 tells us, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”

Here are five reasons why inviting an outside, godly helper can bring clarity and healing when conflict arises.

1. We Have Blind Spots. Conflict clouds our vision. Because we are emotionally invested, we often cannot see clearly. Others, especially those who are impartial, can discern perspectives we may miss. Scripture reminds us, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2). A wise and godly third party can help us see what God sees more clearly.

2. We Forget the Truth. When our hearts are weighed down by burdens, it is easy to lose sight of God’s truth. A faithful helper can gently turn our eyes back to what is good and right. The apostle Paul exhorts us: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8). God often uses the encouragement of others to lift our thoughts back to His promises.

3. Our Fear Is Powerful. Fear can quickly take control when we feel we are losing influence, position, or something we treasure deeply. Fear distorts judgment and feeds division. Yet God’s Word speaks directly to our fear: “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). A wise third party can help calm our fears and point us back to faith in God’s sovereignty.

4. Our Tempers Need Restraint. Anger is a dangerous spark in any conflict. The presence of a neutral mediator can help keep emotions in check and set boundaries for respectful conversation. James writes, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19–20). Godly counsel provides space for anger to cool and for grace to work.

5. We Need Encouragement. Conflict often leaves us weary, discouraged, and tempted to lose hope. A trusted encourager can remind us that our hope is not in winning an argument but in Christ Himself. “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God” (Psalm 42:11). Outside help can point us back to the unshakable foundation we have in Jesus.

Closing Thought: Conflict is hard, but it can also be an invitation from the Lord to grow in grace. When we seek wise help, we are walking in humility and trusting God to bring peace where strife once ruled. Remember, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9).

Prayer: Lord, when conflict comes, remind us that our hope is in You. Give us humility to seek help, courage to face our fears, and faith to trust Your Word. Make us instruments of Your peace, so that Christ may be glorified in His church. Amen.

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Is Your Church Safe & Secure?

Posted in Church Consulting, Deacon, Leadership, Security, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Every church MUST think about church security in today’s world! Every church should have a comprehensive Church Security Plan and a Church Security Team in place! BUT, where do you begin and who can help?

We have six Kentucky Baptist Convention Regional Consultants prepared to make a presentation to your church or a group of leaders that will raise awareness for the need of a good security plan as well as cover some of the basics. They can provide first steps and help a church take next steps.

We created a Church Security page on our website with resources available for churches as well as links to several Church Security training videos filmed at one of our KBC Church Security Conferences:

For additional assistance please contact a KBC Regional Consultant directly or contact me at the Kentucky Baptist Convention.

4 Steps to Forgiving Those I Hate

Posted in Church Chat, Deacon, Discipleship, Leadership, Life Happens, Ministry, Preaching, Worship2 Comments

How can we forgive people we hate? How can we show grace to those we can’t stomach? The honest truth is that we can’t! In our own strength, we are unable to forgive those who have hurt us deeply, but with God’s help, it is possible.

4 Steps to Forgiving Those I Hate

1. Turn our hurts over to God. We should remind ourselves that nothing happens that God does not allow. As a result we should acknowledge our hurts and ask God to help us with them. He may choose to teach us through them and shape us into the person He wants us to be. God never wastes a hurt!

God never wastes a hurt!

2. Ask God to transform our hate to love. In time, God will change our hearts to match His heart if we allow Him to do so. We should pray and ask God to start the process of healing and forgiveness in our hearts.

3. Read what God’s Word says about forgiveness. The Bible is replete with verses on this topic. Reading what God says is a major part of how He moves us towards a heart of forgiveness. Here are a couple of passages on the topic:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”  Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) 

“He said to them, ‘When you pray, say:  Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.'”  Luke 11:2-4 (NIV) 

4. Remember that we sinned against God. God forgave us when we didn’t deserve it, so we should forgive others when they don’t deserve it. We are never more like God than when we grant forgiveness to undeserving people.

Don’t spend the rest of your life without rest in your life!

If you’re struggling with hard feelings toward someone . . . if you’re mad, hurt, bitter, or all the above rolled into one, then let it go! Forgive! Do it for their sake! Do it for your sake! Do it for the Lord! Don’t spend the rest of your life without rest in your life. Unforgiveness can slow down or even sidetrack your spiritual growth.

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5 Things I Hated Doing as a Pastor

Posted in Church Chat, Church Consulting, Church Revitalization, Discipleship, Funny, Life Happens, Ministry, Preaching, UncategorizedLeave a comment

In similar posts I wrote about 6 Things I Hated Hearing as a Pastor followed by 7 Things I Loved Hearing as a Pastor. In today’s post I want to explore 5 Things I Hated DOING as a Pastor. Keep in mind that I loved being a pastor and I loved most the tasks that came along with the position, but I didn’t love everything.

5 Things I Hated Doing as a Pastor

1. Preaching on difficult topics. I preached on marriage, divorce, homosexuality, fornication, adultery, abortion, tithing, racism, prejudice, laziness, gossip, and numerous other difficult subjects, but I didn’t love doing it. As a pastor, I preferred to preach about Jesus and the encouraging passages that abound, but I knew that I was accountable to God to preach the whole Bible even when the topics were not popular or culturally acceptable.

…even when the topics were not popular or culturally acceptable.”

2. Visiting new parents in the hospital. I didn’t really hate visiting new parents, but it always felt a little awkward. I felt better visiting when the mother and the father were both present or when my wife could join me. As their pastor, I wanted to let them know that we celebrated with them on the birth of their child, but at the same time, I wanted to respect their need for privacy. As a man, I was certain that I didn’t understand everything that the new mother was going through physically and emotionally, so I wanted to give her space for rest and healing.

3. Addressing church conflict. When I faced conflict during my early years of ministry I simply prayed and hoped that it would go away. As the pastor, I began to realize that I had to lean into conflict and work towards reconciliation, but it was something that I always dreaded.

…I began to realize that I had to lean into conflict…”

4. Asking for help. In the perfect church world, all the church members would jump in and volunteer when needed. Since that rarely happened, I often had to personally ask people for help.

5. Administering church discipline. The Bible clearly teaches that there are times when church discipline is required. The purpose of discipline is to help the offender discover his sin and his need for repentance. Even when church discipline was appropriate and best, it was always very difficult.

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5 Promises to My Church

Posted in Church Chat, Church Consulting, Church Revitalization, Conflict, Deacon, Leadership, Life Happens, Ministry, Preaching3 Comments

I love to please people!  All my life, I have wanted people to like me, affirm me, and generally think that I’m wonderful.  As I have matured as a leader and as a pastor, I’ve discovered that I have to sometimes set those desires aside and do the right thing regardless of what other’s think.  My goal MUST NOT be to simply “please people” — my goal must be to help people and please God.  Sometimes I have to set boundaries and tell people “no” in order to help them.  Other times I have to model a new approach and lead people to walk in a more effective, efficient manner.

Sometimes I have to set boundaries and tell people “no” in order to help them.

Everyone seems to have their idea of what their pastor should do and how he should use his time.  Hardly a week goes by, that someone does not pull them aside and share with them their opinion of what their life’s assignment should be.  Most of the time, the assignment is fair and reasonable, but it almost always matches their own personal preferences and desires instead of the desires of the Lord or their pastor.  As the senior pastor, he MUST consider the big picture and keep the entire church body in mind as he leads.  If he simply jumps from personal assignment to personal assignment, he will not lead with vision and God-given direction.

Here are the 5 promises I made to a church during my first sermon as their senior pastor:

  1. I promise to love God.  In order to fulfill this promise, I must be disciplined in my private time with the Lord.  The man who never spends time with God in private is no good in public.
  2. I promise to love my family.  I love to work hard and I love being a pastor (most the time).  Because of this, I have to guard against neglecting my family.  I have asked other staff members to tell me if they see this in my life and I have pledged to tell them if I see it in their lives.
  3. I promise to love you.  I love our church and all our people.  I look forward to serving our Lord together for many years to come.  Keep in mind that all of our pastors love God and love our people as well.
  4. I promise to love the unchurched.  I want to see people come to Christ.  I need to spend more time around lost people.  I need to get out of the office more and into the community.
  5. I promise to preach the Bible.  I have tried my best to focus on God’s Word in my sermons and in my teaching.  It takes time to prepare true, Biblical sermons, but it is worth all the hard work and extra effort.  Currently, I set aside Tuesday and Wednesday as my main study days.  Occasionally, I will schedule an appointment or meeting on those days, but I try to devote those days to preparation for preaching and teaching the Bible.

I also went on to say the following to them:

As we move forward, I pledge to always be open to suggestions and ideas.  My default of wanting to please people will always be there, I’m sure.  But, I promise when I’m faced with the choice of “simply pleasing someone” or “providing Godly leadership,” I will strive to choose providing Godly leadership every time.

If you are a pastor, hang in there! God is good and worthy of our service. If you are a church member, pray for your pastor. Encourage him. Be a blessing and serve God faithfully!