Category: Discipleship

5 Mistakes During Conflict

Posted in Book Reviews, Church Chat, Church Consulting, Conflict, Deacon, Discipleship, Leadership, Ministry, PreachingLeave a comment

We are increasingly seeing conflict in society in general and in our local churches specifically. In their book entitled Redeeming Church Conflicts: Turning Crisis into Compassion and Care, Tara Klena Barthel and David V. Edling did a great job defining conflict and uncovering what the Bible says we should do when conflict arises. In the first chapter, they shared five mistakes that most people make when conflict happens. These mistakes are the beginning of a tragic downward spiral.

5 Mistakes People Make During Conflict

1. We think OUR evaluation of the situation is always right. I’ve made this mistake and you have as well. It’s easy and natural to do, but it’s not best to do. In order to resolve conflict, we must be open to listen to the “other side” and be willing to consider that we are not totally right on the issue.

2. We treat people differently than God treats US. God treats us with love and grace. He forgives us when we don’t deserve it. During conflict, we often treat the other person with contempt and disrespect which leads us to disdain their perspective.

3. We assume that God is on OUR side. Although we may accept that those on the other side of the conflict are believers, we believe that we uniquely have God’s attention, care, and blessing more than our opponents do.

4. We become DEFENSIVE. As soon as we become defensive, we become closed and narrow. We believe that God takes our side on the issue and condemns those on the other side of the conflict in the same way that we do.

5. We are marked by PRIDE and selfishness. These characteristics are not from the Lord. Instead, Christ wants us to be marked by humility and love which leads toward reconciliation.

Conflict is a normal part of life. No one is exempt! But, as believers, God calls us to respond differently than the world and to DO OUR BEST to resolve the conflict.

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18 (NKJV)

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3 Common Areas of Prejudice

Posted in Discipleship, PreachingLeave a comment

In Galatians 3 the Apostle Paul mentions three common areas of prejudice that the churches of Galatia faced in his day.  Prejudice was present in that day and discrimination was often the result.  Listen to the words of the Apostle Paul:

“You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”  Galatians 3:26-29

Keep in mind that the Apostle Paul founded the churches of Galatia on his second missionary journey and revisited them on his third missionary journey.  Although some Biblical scholars believe that the Book of Galatians was written earlier, most believe the letter was written around 58 A.D. Ten years earlier, the Christian leaders gathered in Jerusalem to discuss some of these same issues (Acts 15).  Some Jewish believers, called Judaizers, taught that Gentile Christians had to follow certain Old Testament regulations in order to be saved.  They were prejudiced towards the Gentile believers and demanded they look and act like them.

The Apostle Paul seems to be addressing this issue ten years later in this letter. Bias, prejudice, and discrimination never completely went away. They were still present ten years after the Jerusalem Council (Acts 15) where they addressed the issue and they’re still present today.  Even worse, they’re still present in the church!

Let me ask a few questions.  Are you prejudiced towards….

  • Christians of other races?
  • Christians from different income levels?
  • Christians of the opposite sex?
  • Christians of different ages?
  • Christians who prefer a different worship style?
  • Christians who prefer a different translation of the Bible?
  • Christians who prefer a different type of music?
  • Christians who dress differently when they come to church?
Prayer:  Lord, please examine my heart!  Bring to the light every hint and every act of prejudice in my life.  Expose me!  Convict me!  Forgive me!  Change me!  Amen.

Re-post – “Father & Son”

Posted in Church Chat, Discipleship, Life Happens2 Comments

In honor of our military, I am re-posting an entry I wrote on October 23, 2008 while my oldest son, Matthew, was in basic training.  He is currently serving in the Air Guard in Louisville, Kentucky.

Father and Son (Written 10.23.08)

Please forgive me for being a little more personal than usual tonight.  Three weeks ago my son left for basic training at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio.  As expected, I did not hear from him at all during the last three weeks.  At times, the desire to hear his voice has been overwhelming.  I can only imagine what some of my co-workers and some of you face with family members serving in areas of conflict or living as missionaries for long periods of time.

Today, we received a letter and a brief call from our son. As many of you know from experience, basic training is difficult and I can tell he is struggling.  Every father fiber in me wants to jump on the next plane and go fix the situation.  Tonight, my heart aches for my son.  When he hurts, I hurt.  All I know to do is to wait and to pray!  Again I’ve prayed, “Father, take care of my boy. Strengthen Him through your Holy Spirit. Support Him.  Sustain Him.  Hold Him.  Let Him know You are there!”

Can you imagine the pain our Heavenly Father felt while His Son was suffering on the cross?  Can we even begin to understand how God the Father’s heart ached when Jesus cried, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?”  Surely every Father fiber in Him wanted to come down here and rescue His Son!  But, His love for us, kept Him from bailing out.  His love compelled Him to hold back.  His love saw past the cross to our forgiveness.

Tonight, I am reminded of similar moments of pain on my journey of following Jesus.  As I’ve walked with Christ, I’ve discovered two things that I cling to tonight: God is faithful and God is love.  In no way, does that mean that things will be easy or that things will work out the way I desire, but He is always faithful and He always loves.

Before I turn in tonight, I think I’ll be encouraged by listening to Mac Powell from Third Day as he sets the following verses to music:

“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. O Lord, you preserve both man and beast. How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.” Psalm 36:5-7 (NIV)

2 Ways to Eliminate Hurry

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Speed Limit.25One of the great books on spiritual disciplines is John Ortberg’s book, The Life You’ve Always Wanted:  Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People.  You can read my review of the book by clicking here.

One of the spiritual disciplines he talks about in the book is the practice of “slowing.”  Have you ever thought about “slowing” as a spiritual practice?  One of his mentors told him that if he wanted to grow spiritually that he must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from his life.  Listen to a great quote from his book:

Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day.  Hurry can destroy our souls.  Hurry can keep us from living well….Again and again, as we pursue spiritual life, we must do battle with hurry.  For many of us the great danger is not that we renounce our faith.  It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it.  We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them.

Most of us battle the hurry sickness, but how can we treat it–how can we cure it?  There are two main practices that can help us swim against our culture’s current of hurry.

2 Ways to Eliminate Hurry from Our Lives

1.  Slowing.  Slowing involves cultivating patience by deliberately choosing to place ourselves in positions where we simply have to wait.  Slowing will seem like such a “waste of time,” but it is invaluable.  Here are some examples.  Deliberately drive in the slow lane.  Chew your food slowly.  Get in the longest check-out line at the grocery store.  Go through an entire week without wearing a watch.  Read each sentence slowly–then read it again even more slowly.

2.  Solitude.  Solitude is a more traditional spiritual practice.  I’m not saying that we should take it to the extreme and join a monastery.  I’m just saying that solitude is the one place where we can gain freedom from the forces of society that will otherwise relentlessly mold us.  When we’re “alone” with God–He molds us!

We need some small measures of solitude every day.  A walk, a run, a short drive, working in the yard, sitting in the car before going into the office, a quiet time–all these serve as moments of solitude.  On occasion, we need longer periods of solitude.  Take an afternoon to yourself or even an entire day.  Go to a place where you will be uninterrupted and alone.  Spend the day relaxing, reading, walking, napping, etc.

Both of these practices have been vital to my spiritual growth and to my ability to hear from God.  By the way, if you haven’t read John Ortberg’s book on spiritual disciplines, you must do so.  Here’s a link to Amazon where you can purchase the book and get started.  I wish I had read this book as a new Christian and learned about the practice of “slowing” and many of the other spiritual disciplines that have helped me to grow in recent years.

4 Steps Churches & Pastors Should Take Now

Posted in Church Chat, Church Consulting, Church Revitalization, Discipleship, Ministry, Preaching, Uncategorized, Worship3 Comments

Like me, you may be asking, “What steps should we take as a church and what steps should I take as a pastor in light of the Supreme Court’s ruling legalizing same-sex marriage?” Here are four steps every church should take to safeguard the church and the pastor.

  1. Update church wedding policy documents. It is very important for the church to develop a document that addresses the issues of marriage, human sexuality, & gender. Here is a Church Wedding Policy sample that you can use as a starting point.
  2. Update facility use policy. It is equally important for the church to develop a comprehensive policy that addresses the use of church facilities. It is not necessary for the church to eliminate all facility use by non-members, but it is important that a governing policy is in place. Even if the church eliminates facility use by non-members and only allows facility use by members, a policy is still needed. Some of the challenges in the area of facility use may come from those who are members or from family members of those who are members. Here’s a facility use sample.
  3. Update membership policies. It is important to have a document that clearly defines how a person becomes a church member; what the expectations are for a person to maintain church membership; and specific circumstances that lead to membership discipline and/or dismissal. Here’s a Church Membership Policy sample.
  4. Update Pastor’s Personal Wedding Policy. For added clarification and protection, it would be wise for every pastor to develop and adopt a personal pastoral wedding policy. In this policy the pastor should share his Biblical views on marriage giving Scriptural support, personal requirements for officiating a wedding, pre-marital counseling expectations, and a fee schedule. Here is a Pastor Wedding Policy sample.

For more information and help, please check out our Kentucky Baptist Convention resource page. Also, feel free to contact me personally at steve.rice@kybaptist.org or at 502-489-3434.