5 Mistakes During Conflict

We are increasingly seeing conflict in society in general and in our local churches specifically. In their book entitled Redeeming Church Conflicts: Turning Crisis into Compassion and Care, Tara Klena Barthel and David V. Edling did a great job defining conflict and uncovering what the Bible says we should do when conflict arises. In the first chapter, they shared five mistakes that most people make when conflict happens. These mistakes are the beginning of a tragic downward spiral.

5 Mistakes People Make During Conflict

1. We think OUR evaluation of the situation is always right. I’ve made this mistake and you have as well. It’s easy and natural to do, but it’s not best to do. In order to resolve conflict, we must be open to listen to the “other side” and be willing to consider that we are not totally right on the issue.

2. We treat people differently than God treats US. God treats us with love and grace. He forgives us when we don’t deserve it. During conflict, we often treat the other person with contempt and disrespect which leads us to disdain their perspective.

3. We assume that God is on OUR side. Although we may accept that those on the other side of the conflict are believers, we believe that we uniquely have God’s attention, care, and blessing more than our opponents do.

4. We become DEFENSIVE. As soon as we become defensive, we become closed and narrow. We believe that God takes our side on the issue and condemns those on the other side of the conflict in the same way that we do.

5. We are marked by PRIDE and selfishness. These characteristics are not from the Lord. Instead, Christ wants us to be marked by humility and love which leads toward reconciliation.

Conflict is a normal part of life. No one is exempt! But, as believers, God calls us to respond differently than the world and to DO OUR BEST to resolve the conflict.

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18 (NKJV)

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3 Common Areas of Prejudice

In Galatians 3 the Apostle Paul mentions three common areas of prejudice that the churches of Galatia faced in his day.  Prejudice was present in that day and discrimination was often the result.  Listen to the words of the Apostle Paul:

“You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”  Galatians 3:26-29

Keep in mind that the Apostle Paul founded the churches of Galatia on his second missionary journey and revisited them on his third missionary journey.  Although some Biblical scholars believe that the Book of Galatians was written earlier, most believe the letter was written around 58 A.D. Ten years earlier, the Christian leaders gathered in Jerusalem to discuss some of these same issues (Acts 15).  Some Jewish believers, called Judaizers, taught that Gentile Christians had to follow certain Old Testament regulations in order to be saved.  They were prejudiced towards the Gentile believers and demanded they look and act like them.

The Apostle Paul seems to be addressing this issue ten years later in this letter. Bias, prejudice, and discrimination never completely went away. They were still present ten years after the Jerusalem Council (Acts 15) where they addressed the issue and they’re still present today.  Even worse, they’re still present in the church!

Let me ask a few questions.  Are you prejudiced towards….

  • Christians of other races?
  • Christians from different income levels?
  • Christians of the opposite sex?
  • Christians of different ages?
  • Christians who prefer a different worship style?
  • Christians who prefer a different translation of the Bible?
  • Christians who prefer a different type of music?
  • Christians who dress differently when they come to church?
Prayer:  Lord, please examine my heart!  Bring to the light every hint and every act of prejudice in my life.  Expose me!  Convict me!  Forgive me!  Change me!  Amen.

4 Steps Churches & Pastors Should Take Now

Like me, you may be asking, “What steps should we take as a church and what steps should I take as a pastor in light of the Supreme Court’s ruling legalizing same-sex marriage?” Here are four steps every church should take to safeguard the church and the pastor.

  1. Update church wedding policy documents. It is very important for the church to develop a document that addresses the issues of marriage, human sexuality, & gender. Here is a Church Wedding Policy sample that you can use as a starting point.
  2. Update facility use policy. It is equally important for the church to develop a comprehensive policy that addresses the use of church facilities. It is not necessary for the church to eliminate all facility use by non-members, but it is important that a governing policy is in place. Even if the church eliminates facility use by non-members and only allows facility use by members, a policy is still needed. Some of the challenges in the area of facility use may come from those who are members or from family members of those who are members. Here’s a facility use sample.
  3. Update membership policies. It is important to have a document that clearly defines how a person becomes a church member; what the expectations are for a person to maintain church membership; and specific circumstances that lead to membership discipline and/or dismissal. Here’s a Church Membership Policy sample.
  4. Update Pastor’s Personal Wedding Policy. For added clarification and protection, it would be wise for every pastor to develop and adopt a personal pastoral wedding policy. In this policy the pastor should share his Biblical views on marriage giving Scriptural support, personal requirements for officiating a wedding, pre-marital counseling expectations, and a fee schedule. Here is a Pastor Wedding Policy sample.

For more information and help, please check out our Kentucky Baptist Convention resource page. Also, feel free to contact me personally at steve.rice@kybaptist.org or at 502-489-3434.

The Dream Church

I love serving and helping our Kentucky Baptist Convention churches. I’ve been privileged to serve Kentucky Baptist churches for 36 years with 28 years in the local church and 8 years on the KBC staff. I have hope for the future of Kentucky Baptist churches. In this post, I’m going to dream about where our KBC churches are going by asking the question “what if”.

What if we could create places where every person began to discover his or her place and purpose in God’s great big world? Imagine! What if our churches were places where people could be “real” and relationships could go well beneath the surface? Imagine!  What if our churches were places where “second chances” really existed? Imagine! What if you found a place that helped you to be the person God created you to be in one of our churches?  Imagine!

What if? Isn’t that a great question? What if? Imagine…I think I will!…I imagine our KBC churches to be places of diversity where people from all walks of life can find acceptance and fulfillment. I imagine our churches to be a people who are not afraid to believe God for the impossible. I imagine our churches to be a people who embrace the future without forgetting the past. I imagine our churches to be churches who value one’s service over one’s standing. I imagine our churches to be places where people encounter Jesus on a weekly basis and experience real life-change as result.

I believe we are doing well in many of these areas. I commend our churches, their pastors, and their leaders. But, as in all areas of life, we can make improvements. Let’s continue to be open to the leadership of the Holy Spirit, continue to turn our focus to Christ, and continue to seek improvement and excellence for God’s ultimate glory!

2019 KBC Holy Land Trip

On behalf of staff at the Kentucky Baptist Convention, I invite you to join me on our next KBC trip to the Holy Land on October 29-November 7, 2019. All Kentucky Baptists are invited to join us as we walk in the footsteps of Jesus. You will never read the Bible the same again after traveling to Israel. I have tried to explain it by saying “before my trip to Israel, I read the Bible in black and white; now I read it in living color.”

…before my trip to Israel, I read the Bible in black and white; now I read it in living color.

I am organizing the trip again through Jerusalem Tours. This will be the third time I have personally traveled to the Holy Land with this company—they are among the highest rated in the business!

We invite pastors, church staff, church members, Directors of Missions, along with any believers to join us as we walk in the footsteps of Jesus. We have negotiated a great price of $4,189 per person that includes flights from Louisville or Cincinnati, hotels, touring, meals, tips, fuel charges, etc. We encourage churches to consider sending their pastor(s) and his wife on this trip of a lifetime.

If you are interested or if you have any questions, please email me at steve.rice@kybaptist.org or contact me at 502-489-3434. Reserve your spot before the trip fills up!