Category: Funny

3 Reasons to Smile More

Posted in Church Chat, Funny, Life Happens, MinistryLeave a comment

My wife works for two of the finest dentists in Kentucky, so we often talk about teeth at our house. Lots of customers come to their office wanting to improve their smile. I think that they’re wise in doing so, because there are good reasons to improve your smile and even more good reasons to smile more often.

3 Reasons to Smile More

1. We will make more money. According to a recent study, the way we look has a direct bearing on our paycheck. According to the study, those who rated lower in appearance earned less than those who rated average or above.

…the biggest factor is the smile on our face.”

Appearance includes the style and neatness of our clothing, the shine on our shoes, the crease in our shirt, our choice of colors, the way we fix our hair, our makeup, and all the elements of our personal grooming. However, the biggest factor is the smile on our face, followed closely by our attitude and sense of humor. A good sense of humor and a positive attitude are particularly important as we move into the upper echelons of business.

2. We will make more friends. People do not want to be around an ol’ stiff, stick-in-the-mud! They are attracted to a person who is positive and friendly. A genuine smile is a good indicator of the type of person we are which causes others to want to get to know us.

…we can draw people to us in order to point them to to Christ!

3. We will make more converts.  In case all of this talk sounds less than spiritual, remember that we are ambassadors for Christ. As wise, conscientious ambassadors we want to improve our “abilities.” Let’s improve our respectability, approachability, and like-ability. In this way we can draw people to us in order to point them to Christ!

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Learning from a Pig

Posted in Church Chat, Conflict, Funny, Leadership, Life HappensLeave a comment

PigThe Hatfield and McCoy feud started over ownership of one lone pig. In the late 1800’s it was common for Eastern Kentuckians to turn their swine loose to forage freely until time to round them up for slaughter. Each porker sported a distinctive family “brand” that identified him as a “Jones, McCoy, Hatfield, Rice, etc.” The long-lasting feud began because one family believed the other family had killed and eaten one of their pigs.

For an entire decade I had the privilege of pastoring smack-dab in the middle of the feud area with several Hatfields and McCoys as active members of my church. The thing that many do not understand about “The Feud” is that it lasted for many years. The hatred and bitterness brewed with killings happening after long periods of dormant feud activity.

…or you might find yourself feudin’ over pig’s feet!

The Bible instructs us not to let little things brew and fester. Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” Don’t let things build up over time or you might find yourself “feudin’ over pig’s feet” (Interpretation: fighting over insignificant matters.)

    2 Ways to Eliminate Hurry

    Posted in Book Reviews, Church Chat, Church Consulting, Discipleship, Funny, Ministry, RunningLeave a comment

    Speed Limit.25One of the great books on spiritual disciplines is John Ortberg’s book, The Life You’ve Always Wanted:  Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People.  You can read my review of the book by clicking here.

    One of the spiritual disciplines he talks about in the book is the practice of “slowing.”  Have you ever thought about “slowing” as a spiritual practice?  One of his mentors told him that if he wanted to grow spiritually that he must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from his life.  Listen to a great quote from his book:

    Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day.  Hurry can destroy our souls.  Hurry can keep us from living well….Again and again, as we pursue spiritual life, we must do battle with hurry.  For many of us the great danger is not that we renounce our faith.  It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it.  We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them.

    Most of us battle the hurry sickness, but how can we treat it–how can we cure it?  There are two main practices that can help us swim against our culture’s current of hurry.

    2 Ways to Eliminate Hurry from Our Lives

    1.  Slowing.  Slowing involves cultivating patience by deliberately choosing to place ourselves in positions where we simply have to wait.  Slowing will seem like such a “waste of time,” but it is invaluable.  Here are some examples.  Deliberately drive in the slow lane.  Chew your food slowly.  Get in the longest check-out line at the grocery store.  Go through an entire week without wearing a watch.  Read each sentence slowly–then read it again even more slowly.

    2.  Solitude.  Solitude is a more traditional spiritual practice.  I’m not saying that we should take it to the extreme and join a monastery.  I’m just saying that solitude is the one place where we can gain freedom from the forces of society that will otherwise relentlessly mold us.  When we’re “alone” with God–He molds us!

    We need some small measures of solitude every day.  A walk, a run, a short drive, working in the yard, sitting in the car before going into the office, a quiet time–all these serve as moments of solitude.  On occasion, we need longer periods of solitude.  Take an afternoon to yourself or even an entire day.  Go to a place where you will be uninterrupted and alone.  Spend the day relaxing, reading, walking, napping, etc.

    Both of these practices have been vital to my spiritual growth and to my ability to hear from God.  By the way, if you haven’t read John Ortberg’s book on spiritual disciplines, you must do so.  Here’s a link to Amazon where you can purchase the book and get started.  I wish I had read this book as a new Christian and learned about the practice of “slowing” and many of the other spiritual disciplines that have helped me to grow in recent years.

    Lessons from Mammoth Cave

    Posted in Church Chat, Funny, Life HappensLeave a comment

    A few years ago our family went to visit the Mammoth Cave National Park.  On our visit, we took a tour through the cave led by a young, female guide.  She made many observations throughout our descent and pointed out nuances the untrained eye would have surely missed.

    She asked us to be seated on some wooden benches when we reached the lowest point of the cave.  She instructed us to secure our children and then suddenly, she flipped the switch on the lights.  At that point, she proceeded to describe to us what people experience when they are lost in a cave.

    Here’s what I didn’t do next! I didn’t say, “now little missy!  You’ve obviously gotten us lost several hundred feet below the surface of the ground, so step aside and I’ll take over.”  I didn’t recite the Mighty Mouse cry of:  “Here I come to save the day!  I thumbed through a couple of books in the gift shop before the tour began, so I’m now an expert on the cave system!”

    …now little missy!….step aside and I’ll take over!

    Nothing could have been more ridiculous than this type of reaction on my part!  I have learned the hard way that the same is true in my Christian walk through this dark world.  I should not try to “find my way” on my own while my all-knowing God desires to skillfully guide me.  Our daily prayer should echo the words of the Dorothy A. Thrupp hymn:  “Savior, like a shepherd lead us.”

    Prayer – Lord, you are the Great Shepherd and You know all things. I surrender fully to your will and your way even when I cannot see the path. You are trustworthy and You are to be praised! Help me to follow you without hesitation. Amen!

    6 Tips for Beginning Runners

    Posted in Funny, Life Happens, Running1 Comment

    Shoes

    I’ve been an on-again-off-again runner for the past 48 years.  I love running, but on occasion, I’ve allow life’s responsibilities to cause me to set aside my favorite sport for matters that seem more pressing at the moment.  Over the last 15 years, I have been “on-again” with my running and I feel better as a result.

    On January 18, 2010, I made the decision to step on the bathroom scale.  I knew I had put on “a little weight” and in my mind I thought I might, for the first time in my life, even weigh close to 200lbs.  The scale rocketed past the 200-mark and finally settled on 218.  I’m 5′ 11″ tall with a small frame–let’s just say that I was much heavier than I imagined.  That moment was a WAKE-UP CALL for me.

    The next day I began to run (mostly walk) again and I began to think differently about eating. Gradually, over the next few months, I lost a significant amount of weight.  I currently weigh around 165, but I still have to work at keeping my weight at a healthy mark.

    You may be considering running.  You may want to drop a few pounds.  Allow me to share a few basics things that I would recommend as you begin.

    6 Tips for Runners Who Are Just Beginning

    1.  Start now.  If you feel any inspiration at all, then begin now.  Of course, if you have any health concerns, it would be wise to see your doctor and get his or her approval before beginning.

    2.  Buy good shoes.  Find a local running specialty store and purchase a good pair of running shoes.  Go in the afternoon when your feet have “settled” for the day.  The clerk will measure and fit you properly which should provide you with a shoe that fits snugly around the heel and gives you a little extra room in front of the toes.  After you settle on the right shoe, you can buy additional pairs online at a discounted rate, but initially you should take advantage of the expert advice found at the running store.

    3.  Walk a lot at first.  Start by mainly walking.  You will probably be able to walk a mile in 16-18 minutes.  Mix in a little running along the way.  Gradually walk less and run more.  Running coaches like Jeff Galloway say that you should continue to mix in some walking even after you become an accomplished runner.  Galloway advocates a “run-walk-method” for exercise and races.

    4.  Keep a running journal.  You can use a simple spiral notebook, a 3-ring binder, a published running log (can be purchased at running stores or bookstores), or a web-based journal (runningahead.com, logarun.com, Runner’s World log).  There’s just something about writing it down!

    5.  Keep an eating journal.  I personally found that the biggest key to losing weight was knowing how many calories I was eating.  I used livestrong/myplate.com to track what I ate and to keep a running total of my daily calories.  Other good sites include fitday.com, myfitnesspal.com, and myfooddiary.com.

    6.  Subscribe to Runner’s World magazine.  Runner’s World magazine is an excellent source of information and inspiration for beginning runners.  For less than the cost of a nice meal, you can purchase a multi-year subscription.

    Many people find that they are more consistent if they enlist a running partner.  I personally cherish the solitude of running alone most of the time.  Please leave a comment if you have any suggestions or questions.